Collegiate Postpartum Depression

Hi,

My name is Bree and I suffer from Collegiate Postpartum Depression or CPD for short. What is that you ask? Oh, it's just a terrible horrid disease that is currently afflicting my every being. Symptoms include loss of hope in finding an actual career, boredom at current job, anxiety about the future, excessive hobby joining behavior and --sometimes-- extreme procrastination.

How's that for an opening paragraph. Sometimes I feel like I have little to nothing when it comes to talents. There was nothing special about me in elementary school. I remember my best friend back then loved to draw. Even if she's not a well know or even a struggling artist now, I remember that being her passion and she was pretty good at it. Not so for me. High school came around and once again no special talent fell upon me.

 Now that I have put in the four... five... oh let's not play the counting game... but the numerous allotted baccalaureate years in order to get my adult green card, I feel even more further from my life purpose than ever before.

Everything I'm good at EVERYONE is good at. I honestly don't feel special in any shape or form. In fact, I have plenty of things I need to work on; so many I don't even know where to start. Ancient Bree Confucius wisdom state, "In order to have a hand in being successful, one must have a hand in successfully having a hand in being successful."

No one ever said it made since.

Even though I am not suppose to measure my success with any one other person's, I can't help but feel like I fell asleep before the big race and now am playing 'catch up' for what will probably be the rest of my 20 something life. Even Hank Hill from the well accepted television show 'King of the Hill' felt he had a life purpose in selling propane and propane accessaries. As mediocre as it may have seemed, well, those items weren't going to sell themselves.

I just feel like 'we', whomever we are, have this destined for great things feel about our lives, but overlook the fact that we are missing a few key components when it comes to making it to said destination:

1. Tried and true belief in ourselves
2. An actual path to follow
3. The willingness to work hard for our dreams
4. Dedication
5. Ability
6. Luck and the list goes on...

And on and on it seems. That list goes so far on that I think I'm afraid to see where it ends. Maybe Hank and I have more in common then I give credit. I don't want to be an actress, or an orchestra music... player person ( I'm sure there is an actual name for it). I just want to have something, a piece of that pie. Start something, work hard on it, and reap the benefits of it; just like you would a farm. Plant a seed, nurture it, and harvest the crop. I honestly just don't know how I'm going to get to that point.